My latest column for The Word is proof, if you hadn’t realised it already, that being married to a strong Vietnamese woman gives you plenty of material to write.
My wife suggests I buy an Air Blade. A friend of hers has one.
“You could put your shopping under the seat.”
I don’t do any shopping. I’m not trusted to do shopping. I’d apparently only pay too much.
I put my foot down. If we’re talking automatics I definitely don’t want a Honda SH. They’re universally driven by morons. The Honda asSHole: for people with an SUV attitude but not quite the money to back it up. The Honda SHithead. I could go on.
Read it in full here. Click the pic of the Word to download the full magazine.
Yesterday I was all suited for work as we had a VIP visitor.
Once they had left there was a glass or two of champagne left over which I gratefully took advantage of. Around the same time I realised it was raining and that having forgotten a coat my suit wasn’t going to fare well under the drizzle.
So, reasoning that a jacket would be wrecked, I set off in an open neck shirt and smart trousers.
Eyes half closed against the drizzle, I manoeuvred between the traffic while slowly getting wetter and wetter.
Then the laugh came, almost a whoop. The ridiculousness of it all. Living and working in Vietnam, driving home – a big tay amongst all the Vietnamese – soaked through.
So absurd. If they could see me now…
Even now, almost a decade after I first visited Vietnam I never really saw this coming.
Still living the dream. Still just about remembering this was the dream.
As much as I love Ms Hoa I can’t help but feel she’s ultimately not really me.
She’s a little small for my lardy tay frame. But most of all its those go-faster stripes that really get me.
Why can’t I just get a scooter in all-over matt black?
But what to switch to? While I’d love to go on a few spins into the nearby countryside, the whole Minsk thing doesn’t appeal. Sitting taller than locals in traffic while belching noxious fumes onto the old lady on a bicycle behind me – well it just doesn’t seem right.
Then there’s the Vespers. Undoubtedly cool but just a bit trying-too-hard, no? They’re unreliable but also, as with the Minsks, buying one would feel like joining a club when all I really want is transport.
Super Cub? I like ‘em. And if I was female and half my weight and size then I’d have already bought one.
So basically I think we can narrow it down to a scooter. And yes, of course I want it to be cool – but quietly so.
Obviously anything without gears and with a footwell is just for girls.
But I’m still not convinced.