Confused by formal Hanoi clothing

Dr Martens, Vincom Tower, Hanoi

A management consultant, who I used to ghost write a column for, once told me the real story of Joseph. It appears there was no technicolour dreamcoat.

He said somehow the world for “with sleeves” was translated wrongly.  It wasn’t gaudily flambouyant at all, just sleeved.  But such a jacket had its own message about the wearer.  Sleeves were too warm for manual workers – sleeves were the preserve of management.

It was these delusions of grandeur that so wound up his brothers – not crimes against fashion.

I think about that alot as I continue to try and work out formal Hanoi dress codes.

I see men in suits here.  Light suits, but we’re not talking beige linen attire.  These are proper black wool-made suits.

Starched, buttoned up collars too.  And a Tie.  Shiny shoes.

A look so institutionalised that I’ve seen westerners strolling Hanoi streets at lunchtimes with jackets on.  I never did quite work out why jacket-removal was considered such a sartorial sin by some.

For the most part though, it’s a look that says – I work in air con.  Possibly even – I travel by car. Moderately impressive, but then again putting on extra layers  so you can work in an artificially cooled environment does seem odd.

The suit mimics a western ideal just as the temperature does.

I’ll be buying a suit for my late October wedding when, I fear, it still won’t be quite cool enough to avoid sweating profusely.  For day-to-day client-visit wear I’m still confused about what is acceptable.

In the end I’ve settled for chinos (which I’ve always hated), a pair of Doc Martens shoes from the above (they do my size and I hate slips-on) and my usual blue/white/black mix of check shirts, (specifically chosen to hide sweat). I try to wear long sleeves for more formal meetings to avoid that darts player look.

There are, of course, those who can do the suit thing without sweating.  In moderately smart clothes at a wedding reception at the weekend, I looked around wondering if everyone was quite as sweaty as me.  Reassuringly, for the most part, they were.

But there was one guy : beige suit, pastel shade shirt, tie done up to the neck.  His forehead was bone dry and expression so serene compared to the sweat-in-the-eyes wincing of the rest of us.

I’m a big man who sweats who has chosen to live in forty degrees plus.  You can add that to being a social media consultant in a country that could ban it all tomorrow.

Sometimes I doubt my intelligence.


The wronged trousers

Such are luggage limits that when I first came over here there was little space to bring a whole range of clothes.

And I skimped despite knowing that Asian sizes were never going to fit.

It was a situation not improved by weight gain that soon made the trousers I did bring too small.

So I returned at Christmas knowing that top of my buying agenda was cotton trousers for the summer. Not an easy proposition in the middle of winter.  Particularly if you have an absolute horror of all things chino.

So we were talking combat/cargo trousers here.

Finding them was not easy. In the end I did locate a pair of Timberland trousers at a TK Maxx and my Dad said he had a pair I could have that were mercifully okay.

The truth was that neither were ideal but with a little tailoring I thought they’d be okay.  In particular they both needed around an inch and a half off the length.

As ever, in Vietnam, a friend had a friend who could help and off went the trousers.  They returned and…

They’d lost almost a foot off the length.  They were only just past the knee. These were supposed to be work trousers.

I was devestated.

Not in an…oh my beautiful trousers, what have you done, way.

More in a…what the hell am I going to wear in the summer, way

Because it wasn’t just the value of the two pairs of trousers.  It was an airline round trip to buy them.  In Vietnam they were literally irreplaceable.

My friend, who had the friend, was mortified.  She suggested she could take them back and perhaps they’d still have the material they cut off.

Ordinarily it would have been the daftest idea but seeing as both styles of trousers were full of pockets and stitching and unexplained seams I thought perhaps, the reattached material, wouldn’t look too out of place.

It was worth a try.

So I was at my girlfriend’s cafe when they were returned and straight out of the bag it seemed like they’d done a good job.

I nipped to the bathroom upstairs to change into them and  amazingly they were fine.

Two pairs of trousers resurrected.

I changed back.  I bagged them up and accepted a coffee as I breathed a sigh of relief and let my summer wardrobe fears once more subside.

That’s when the whispering started and the giggling.  Soon it was full on laughter.

What was so funny?

One translation later and it turns out the cut-off material hadn’t been found.

But they had found a substitute.

They’d ripped out all the pockets.


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