Future planning seems obvious – so why fight it?
Posted: February 2, 2013 Filed under: Reflections, work | Tags: culture, planning, work 5 Comments »When my wife was recently prescribed a week of rest by the doctor I took on the role of carer.
I would work from home, giving me the opportunity to do the running up and downstairs and preparing of meals.
On Sunday, ahead of the working week, I asked what I could buy at the supermarket to make this go more smoothly? Veggies, noodles, rice, meat, snacks etc?
My offer was dismissed and was followed by a week of frustration as I tried to balance work deadlines with shopping and meal-by-meal preparing of food (though I’ll admit that sister Trang ended up doing most of the cooking).
The fact that Vietnamese still shop per meal is widely noted and tends to be attributed to their love of fresh food. But it’s more than that – forward planning, or a lack of it, is a feature in all parts of work and life in Vietnam.
Back in UK office days I was told that any event requiring participation should be booked into diaries a month in advance. In Vietnam event conception, planning and happening can all be squeezed into a couple of days. During my KOTO days I’d be just winding down to six pm, when someone would suggest a meeting. It would inevitably mean me hanging around to attend. Then, sometime later, maddeningly the meeting would just as likely be cancelled.
Likewise with my parents-in-law 10ks across a congested city, I’m always amazed when my wife suggests an immediate visit.
When?
Now.
Now? Oh right. I was just going to…
Actually, normally, I’m not about to do anything. It’s just my western mind needs time to schedule things and get used to the idea that they’re coming up. Anything much more than a coffee takes some level of advance booking.
I’ve heard this described as Vietnamese being “event based” while westerners are “time based”. But basically that’s just repeating the situation using new terms. One set of people require schedules, other don’t.
We could explain it down to times of Vietnamese poverty and of living day-to-day and hand-to-mouth but that seems too melodramatic.
More than just common sense, the benefits of longer-term planning for longer-term benefit seems so obvious as to be intuitively understood. So why fight it?
I’m convinced my wife plans in advance, but doesn’t tell me about engagements – rather drops them in my lap in a “we’re doing this now” fashion – to prevent me having the time to figure out a reason not to go.
Ha..maybe that’s it. There is a part of me that needs to know that there is time when I will be doing nothing. I look forward to it. When I find that my nothing time is suddenly being invaded without notice…I hate that.
This was the article I needed to read before I moved to Vietnam. I am a planner so the slapdash scheduling was really hard for me to get used to. Now, of course, that I’m temporarily back in the US, I miss it.
[...] Future planning seems obvious – so why fight it? (ourmaninhanoi.com) [...]
My husband and I had a hard time figuring out how to settle the cultural difference between us regarding planning too. After a lot of perplexing explanations from him, I have learned to tell him in advance what I wanted to plan for us, which is subject to change anyway since my family may come up with something at the last minute and we’ll have to follow their “plan”.
What is even more hilarious for me, my husband also asked me to tell him what I planned for myself, like if I’m having a drink with a friend, so he can “arrange his time and see his friend or do something else” during this time too.
I have since adapted to this way of planning (it makes it easier since we live in France and I have to follow the “Western” way) and I agree that we end up doing a lot more and saving a lot of time. It did take a lot of discussion, negotiation, and cultural observation from both of us though.
Mosh’s comment makes me laugh real hard. I don’t think she meant to prevent you from coming up with excuses, I think she just did not think it was necessary to tell you in advance: we grow up with that kind of thinking and doing, it’s very difficult to comprehend the fuss you guys have with “planning”.
Thank you very much, Steve, for your blog that keeps me updated with Ha Noi, and for giving me glimpses of insights into what my other half may be puzzling over too I’ll try to “debug” you guys next time there’s a domestic behavioural misunderstanding,
Chúc mừng năm mới from Sư Tử Hà Nội mwuahaha