An unstoppable sisterhood
Posted: March 1, 2011 Filed under: change, family, getting married, Reflections | Tags: equality, future, vietnam, wife, women 5 Comments »I returned home yesterday to find the front door open.
That’s something I can get stroppy about as the mosquitoes tend to collect in the porch area but by this time, I guess, they were all in the house.
Anyway, my wife was there, talking to the landlady as if they were old friends. They laughed and joked and didn’t break conversational stride as I entered.
Every so often they’d look in my general direction as if I’d just been mentioned. I know now that it’s not worth asking what they were saying nor feeling paranoid that it might not be all good.
I know what they were talking about. Men.
Men are a burden.
They were comparing burdens.
This sisterhood is endlessly fascinating to me. The way Vietnamese females can make instant friends with another woman. A genuine bond beyond the usual smile and introduction.
Scared of being culturally insensitive or being guilty of expat gruffness I tend to be very accepting of service in restaurants and hotels. My wife is far more aggressive when it comes to getting what she thinks she is entitled too.
Yet, there are also times when I catch that look between her and the waitress. A look that says something isn’t quite right but let’s not make a big deal about it.
The waitress smiles grateful that a fuss hasn’t been made and she quietly fixes the issue.
It’s me again. I’m the burden.
They can both imagine the fuss that a man might make if he spotted the problem.
We have two en suites in our house, both of them with showers. We’ve long talked about replacing one with a bath. Spending money on a rental house makes little sense but with buying out of the question then sometimes you’ll invest if you plan to stay long term.
A bath needs a much larger water tank so that’s not cheap never mind the cost of the tub itself and the price of installing it. Who pays?
Beyond the failings of men, that’s what the wider conversation was about between my wife and the landlady. Quiet negotiations aimed at reaching the quickest, most amicable solution.
It was sorted in seconds.
Vietnamese women deny it but they absolutely run this country.
Opportunities are opening up for them in such a way now that I sometimes struggle to work out what roles will be left for men in just a few years time.
This sisterhood is unstoppable.
Welcome to the world of married life…..
It happens the WORLD OVER – The men just find out always too late.
I’m just waiting for the sequel……”The married man who knew the secret – before it happened!”
My sincerest thanks to you for writing this down.
my wife will hold hands with some lady she met only seconds before and i know immediately whats just happened. and i know later im gonna get an earful about what ‘other people do.’
*sigh*
Sorry, but I think your view of ‘the sisterhood’ is rather naive.
I am reminded of the quote that goes along the lines of “when I see two women kiss I think of two boxers touching gloves”. This is far truer in Vietnam than where you come from.
The quote cited in the previous ‘comment’ by Fanboy Joe, “Two boxers touching gloves,” is very cute, and I’d love to know if there is a source for it.
Having said that, I also want to say, “boxers schmoxers.” The blogpost is not a thesis for a doctoral degree; it’s a comment about living in Asia and observing a kind of unstated relationship that exists between women in Vietnam. However, I do find myself in agreement with you about another point you make, because as a foreigner living in Asia (15 years in China, 2 in Vietnam) I can categorically state that we are all, ALL, as you say, “naive.”
But naivety is not a bad thing, it adds to the charm of living in places far away (geographically, and more so, culturally) from the countries in which we were born. Before I ever set foot in Asia I asked my college classmates what came to mind when they thought of Asia, and without exception they said, “disease, poverty, famine.” Since then I have learned to keep my own “naive” thoughts to myself, because I thought Asia was where I’d walk into a mysterious, dark pub one day and see a curtain of hanging beads through which a very beautiful woman sitting at a table would be eyeing me. Needless to say, in all the years I’ve been here I have yet to find this woman, and the only beaded curtains I’ve seen have been in a few shops, and now, co-incidentally, in the doorway to the kitchen of the house I’m renting.
And another point, there ain’t no “sisterhood” and there ain’t no “mafia.” Both are terms of endearment for groups of people adhering to a particular lifestyle. So, let’s not take each other to task over terms of endearment. Again, having said that, what I have seen, almost on a daily basis in China, is what appears to be two old friends gladhanding and backslapping each other in an animated and friendly conversation while picking over strawberries. I only slowly come to realize that they are not friends at all, and that they have just met each other at the fruitstand for the first time. Chinese, and Vietnamese, are way more sociable than the people where I “come from,” thank you very much.
Finally, I don’t think “An unstoppable sisterhood” is seriously saying at the end of the post that men will someday lose all relevant roles in society to women–except for, maybe, baby making. Comments made “tongue in cheek” are recognized by most people as such, so come on over and join the fun!
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