Coming to Vietnam: Smiles, Marmite, culture, cheese, bicycles or Laos instead?
Once while professing my love (again) for Vietnam I was asked whether I had visited here first.
First that was, as compared to other South East Asian countries – specifically the usual suspects of Cambodia, Laos and Thailand.
On admitting that, yes, Vietnam had been my first stop (on a backpacking tour in 2002 – see pic) I got a “well, there you go”. The one you love first, apparently, is the one you love longest. First loves, it seems, never ever die.
They may well be right.
Of the above, the only country that I still haven’t visited is Laos. There’s a rational reason for that and and an irrational one too. The first one is that there’s no beach. So, in the past with limited holidays and an escape-the-madness desire, Thai islands were a no-brainer.
The second is – well everyone apparently likes it so much. The people are happy to see you. Everyone smiles. Vietnam – oh it’s okay…but we lovvvved Laos.
Which, of course, is irritating beyond belief and just makes me think…well you can keep yer Laos. I like Vietnam.
And if I did go – and I did like it? More than Vietnam?
Then what? It’d feel like cheating.
But what of those professional expats? Those on two year posts with homemaking spouses ready to co-ordinate the shipped possessions and hunt out a ready local supply of Marmite, organic vegetables and a palatable red?
What do they make of Vietnamese chaos compared to say, the organisation of Singapore or the big modern cities of Japan? Does culture count for anything, or is it all about standard of living?
What would I make of Vietnam if I’d been sent here and installed in Ciputra? Would I only judge Hanoi on the contents of its supermarkets?
After Vietnam I lived briefly in Nicaragua and later in Cameroon. But what if they were reversed? Would the older, more tired, more cynical me still appreciate the hard work that Hanoi sometimes can be? Could I ever have fallen in love with Cameroon?
And for those that don’t like Hanoi – is it a case of “it’s not you, it’s me”?
What’s more was Hanoi really more appreciated by those long term expats when “it was all bicycles”, despite there being no chance of smoked pastrami or soft French cheeses?
Ultimately can you love, for want of a better word, the soul of a country – regardless of how it changes?
And so what is the recipe for a perfect country for expat living?
It’s the people that make a country. My opinion anyway. There is much about Viet Nam (Ha Noi specifically- we had the opportunity to explore some very relaxed and rural areas, too) that I find completely overwhelming and made my head spin! But, what made me cry like a baby the day we left? Certainly not the chaotic streets!
It was leaving the friends we made, the folks who went out of their way to help us navigate, feed us, invited us into their homes, etc. Ultimately that is what would bring us back.
I’ve been to Laos. It was OK. That’s about as good as it gets.
I just found there wasn’t so much to see. There are a handful of tourist-friendly places and as a result, they’re mobbed. The capital’s dull, but in fairness the people across the country are generally lovely.
I get a lot of crap off other people who’ve been who loved it, but for some reason it just didn’t grab me in the way that Thailand, Vietnam or Cambodia did.
Kerryanne – I think the people but then again if you have the big house behind the gates then how much does that count for?
I have this hunch that while we chase expat nirvana where we can “get” everything we used to have in our own country – once we have it we’re even more isolated and cut off from local reality than before.
But that maybe the difference between those who are sent to Vietnam and those who choose to live there.
Mosh,
Everytime I think I should go I then find myself being unexcited about the prospect. I think that is, in someways an expat thing. Holidays stop being voyages of discovery and become little bits of escapism. A bit of beach goes a long way – punctuated by a big, dirty, crazy city stop.
But I most “do” Laos sometime.
The only bit I really enjoyed was Vang Vieng. Partly for the tubing (if you do it and find an Olympus camera in the river, it’s mine – can you send the memory card to me? Ta) and partly as we were there when an annual festival was on, which was pretty cool.
Other than that – meh.
The tubing is a classic example of something that would have been great but I’m just getting too old for that crap.
It’s like everything else – like boats to Halong Bay. Someone does something that works and then someone adds a shitload of cheap booze into the mix and suddenly the backpackers flock.
And then it becomes my own personal hell.
Otherwise I’m sure floating down the river would’ve been fun but if the pictures and blog posts I’ve seen and read are to be believed then ….I’m giving it a wide berth.
That is true- because I’ve never lived behind a gate anywhere we have been (thankfully), I have to remind myself that there are those that do…so how much of the country do they actually experience ie the people.
Do you encounter that a lot? Do you find it hard to relate?
I agree. It is the people you meet that make the experience, but just because you choose to live behind a gate does not mean that you are missing out on the experience nevertheless. Ourman – I am one of the expat homemakers you are commenting on in your blog. And yes, we were sent here, we didn’t choose it as you did. But that does not mean that we appreciate it any less or aren’t experiencing the culture because we do seek out the comfort foods from home on occasion – that is just human nature. Of course we are having a different experience than yourself because you have a Vietnamese partner, but we experience the local culture through the friends we meet at our workplaces and through our household staff (yes we have them…does that mean we aren’t experiencing real life?!). We are very close to our driver and have had many experiences of day to day life here in Hanoi with him through being invited to his wedding, and visiting his village and family on numerous occasions for important religious occasions. I’m also one of the expats who chooses to live behind “the gate”. We made that decision for reasons of saftey because we moved to Hanoi with 2 toddlers and a dog. While I appreciate that there are many expats who choose to live in other areas and ride around on their mopeds with their child and look at us like we’re missing out on an experience because we drive in a car with safety seats for our chidren, but is simply comes down to personal choice. I could have made the decision to eschew the “expat” life and live in a house without security on a busy road and ride around on a bike with my squirming 3 year old twins, but would you I forgive myself if something happened to them? If I had moved here before children it would be a safe bet that the life I would lead would be somewhat different. So in summary…it is possible for expats living in the comfort of their secure houses behind the gate to experience the life and people of Hanoi, we have just chosen to do it in a different way – mainly because of family reasons, not because we’re being complete wankers.
TS – Thanks for the comment. If I am poking fun at anyone with the above it’s only myself. I have enough friends with kids here to know how un-kid friendly Hanoi so I can start to understand the attraction of the gated community. And at my current speed of moving from volunteer to spoilt expat I’ll be in a gated community by next year.
Everyone draws their own line.
The other point is that every experience is valid. Better to be an SUV/gated community person and appreciate your lot than be an “I only ever eat rice and hang out with locals” person who secretly sneaks off for burgers and last six months before they decide they hate everyone and leaves.
I reckon however we choose to live or whatever deal we get as long as we don’t choose to whine then we’re okay.
No problem. And please let me be clear that I don’t take offence to your poking fun. I have been involved in enough Ciputra and expat fat cat debates that I do see the funny side!
Good point about choosing not to whine. I admit that when we first arrived here I did a lot of whining – mainly due to the fact that I was freaked out because I was suddenly no longer employed and on my own 24-7 with my then babies in a strange place where the milk smelt like it was off! Now I appreciate just how lucky we are to live in this beautiful country and I am going to be sad when it’s over.
But when we do leave I’ll continue to keep enjoying your blog to remind me about the country we once called home.