A proposal
A few weeks ago, I was sat at my girlfriend’s parents’ kitchen table.
I had briefly been allowed to leave the dinner table after eating and now I had been summoned back. I was receiving a grilling. What was my work? Tell me about your family.
And then the big question.
He asked me whether I would like to ask permission to date his daughter.
Considering we had been seeing each other for some months this seemed odd. But thinking about it afterwards it follows the Vietnamese norm of official truths which exist despite real situations. Reality can easily be ignored in favour of the official line.
That said, it all seemed a bit much to go through just to request the right to date. I took a deep breath and instead I asked if I could marry her.
Now what you have to realise is that this wasn’t just us talking. My girlfriend was translating everything. This now included asking her father for her own hand in marriage on my behalf.
It wasn’t as much of a shock as it could have been – not to her at least. We had talked about it. I had even found her Googling pictures of wedding dresses.
She took a moment and translated. Her father didn’t miss a beat. He thought some more and the questions intensified. They started to come thick and fast.
Earlier, the large bottle of Johnny Walker I had brought had been gladly accepted but it was my answers now that were going to swing this one way or another.
I talked more. I spoke of my absolute commitment. I spoke of being the product of a happy marriage and of having sisters also settled. I told him Hanoi would be home – although he never insisted upon it.
He said that if he was to give the go-ahead then he didn’t want to just bump into my parents for the first time at the wedding. I explained how a meeting in the near future would be difficult but that I would ensure they would all meet ahead of the big day.
He remarked on my inability to speak Vietnamese and how he wanted to be able to talk directly to his son in law. I agreed that learning the language was a priority.
And he asked me if I could make his daughter happy. In the end, he said, that is all that matters.
I promised and he said yes. Yes, I could marry her.
Shortly afterwards I bought the ring. Nine diamonds in the shape of two stars. Both are considered lucky numbers. The number two, in particular, at Tet where people often give $2 notes as gifts.
I had already noted that the first day of the Lunar New Year was also Valentine’s Day.
We had planned a trip to Koh Libong, Thailand . I envisaged us staying up past midnight and then at one second past, in the New Year of the Tiger, I would get down on one knee with the ring in my hand.
In reality the sea air got the better of us. She said she would take a nap and I said I’d wait up and wake her at 12. And then I fell asleep too.
Around five I woke up and in our rustic beach hut there was no power. I stumbled my way to the toilet, tripping and muttering along the way. By the time I returned my noise and clumsiness had woken her.
The ring was under my pillow. Though still half asleep I still felt that now was the time. I said “chuc mung nam moi” (happy new year) and then, I can’t even remember the words, in a roundabout way full of promises, commitments and declarations of love I asked her to marry me.
She said yes and I put the (much too big) ring on her finger.
It was hours before it was light enough for her to see it.
Well done and beautifully written. Put a lump in my throat.
Wishing you both many, many happy years together.
(I suppose you’ve pondered the extent to which life can change in a year.)
Wow – huge congratulations to the both of you! Good luck, wishing you lots and lots of happiness.
Congratulations Steve! Good to see how well things have gone for you since we last met in in Cameroon!
Our bless. Reminds me of when I proposed to O. It was Xmas Eve, her mum was staying at ours. I was going to propose when we had gone to bed, but O had a cold and went to bed really early leaving me to watch TV with her mum and do all the FC stuff on my own ready for Millie. After all that I woke O about 1am and virtually threw the ring at her I was so grumpy. Still suprised she said yes!
“And he asked me if I could make his daughter happy. In the end, he said, that is all that matters.”
awwww – this bit brought tears to my eyes. Congratulations. I know how much you love Vietnam so I am sure it will be a fantastic and long fulfilling relationship.
This is so exciting!! & I don’t even know you, except through your blog but I’m thrilled
Congratulations!!
Congratulations! What a brilliant turn of events in the last months. You both look so happy in the pictures
I actually stopped by to ask whether you’d like to meet up when we make it to Hanoi in less than two weeks (I think we arrive on March 8th or so), but I realise you may be pursuing a whole series of big day-related activities…
MMMMmm! soundz like we ve been living in the same element!!. had my Traditional wedding (equivalent of an engagement party)2 weeks ago.. and its held at the Galz parents place.. Go Steve.. greetings to ya Wife
Wow! congrats!!!! you must learn vietnamese now!
(what are some hints on getting my boyfriend to learn?!)
And to think that less than seven months ago you were blogging about loneliness in Cameroon! I am pleased for you both and wish you lots of happiness!
congratulations to both of you! this is so sweet!
xx
Robyn, Thanks – as regards life changing it has passed through head. I just talked to another VSOer who was in Cameroon and he just got engaged too. There were a few things that made me see things differently this year. A lot of things clicked with me. There’s hopefully a new job on the horizon too.
Linda – thank you so much.
Jeremy – thanks – as I said before life is good. Hanoi always seems to be my lucky place.
Dames – I took it for granted that she’d say yes – as I’d pretty much said to her before…if I did ask you – would you say yes? Every time I talked about being married I would prefix it with “I’m not asking you now but…”
Cara – This place just works for me – thanks.
Kerryanne – I am rather thrilled too. Thank you.
Gorgeoux – give me a shout if you’re passing through – always up for a meeting.
Michael – so chuffed to hear that. Bamenda seems a long time ago. How’s your boat?
Amy – I made the promise a couple of weeks back and I am yet to start learning – I will though. Soon.
Clive – Yes, and without Loan I might be feeling the same here. Moving around is not as easy as you might think sometimes. But this time it worked out.
Patty – thanks – if you and Liam want to return to Hanoi then come along to the wedding. It should be in last October or early November.
Again – thanks all.
Cool! We’ll be staying in Heart Hotel on Hang Hanh Street. We plan to get local phone numbers, so will drop a note when that’s sorted
Awesome post. Soft, sweet, nervous… then complete fumbling numpteyhood at the end. Had everything
Wow, congratulations Steve! I’m so happy for you! What a difference a year makes!
Happy new year by the way!
Gorgeous – a nice place to be based. It’s a cute street. Give me a shout when you’re here.
Mosh – I do fumbling numpteyhood well.
Caitlin. Yes I’m thinking around a review of the year. The year of the buffalo turned out well for me after a rather sluggish start.
And thanks.
Steve, I’m a long-time lurker on your (various) blogs and always enjoy what you have to say, thought I’d pop out now to say congratulations and wish you all the best for the future. Really lovely post mate!
Hi Steve, I just found your blog. Congrats to the big decision and the beautiful way to describe it.
Well done, mate. Life just keeps on getting better for you. You’re obviously in your element, and I’m more than pleased to know that. Enjoy. Then enjoy some more.
eb
Barry – I love a lurker. Thanks for your congratulations.
Anders thanks – it wrote itself.
Eric, everything always did work out well for me in Hanoi. This place just clicks. Or perhaps it’s just a frame of mind. I hope life is good for you too – and say hi to Brenda for me.
Big congrats to you and your fiancee, Steve. You seem to have found the ideal woman in the city you love most. What more could a guy ask for?
You found your ‘kent’ ground and happiness.
Through all the ups, downs, sideways, bothways, you made it.
May good fortune follow both you and your fiancee for the rest of your lives.
May we have her name please?
Congratulations to you both
I love the photo you chose for the post, really touching.
Congratulations on your engagement!!! Loved this blog post!
Hi!
I don’t even know you, and don’t remember how I ended up here reading your blog, but somehow your story makes me so happy. And your future father-in-law, he reminds me so much of my own parents. Might be strange, but I feel the urge to wish you a happy life. Thank you for coming to Vietnam, even more for loving the country and staying. Maybe one day we’ll bump into each other around some random corner of Hanoi
I was directed to this post from your more recent one on the art of receiving gifts in Vietnam.
How very romantic, and how lovely of her father to say her happiness is all that matters. Thank you for such a touching post (although I’m reading it a few months too late…)
My husband proposed to me before going to bed, on our first dating anniversary. I was in my pyjamas wearing no makeup, and there was no knee-bending or ring either! lol He’d done all that under moonlight with his ex-gf and she dumped him anyway, so all I got was “that”! lol
Oops, I pressed the wrong button too soon.
I wanted to conclude by saying, “Much happiness to you both!”
Just catching up with these again …
Bill, a few months later and life is still grand thanks. I yearn for open spaces every so often but doesn’t every city dweller?
Mrs K – her name is Loan – pronounced Lo-An
Minxlj – thanks – it’s actually one of five pics – we just got them all framed.
AGIA – thank you.
Chie – I love proposal stories. Pj proposals are the best
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